end, faith, feelings, lies, life, love, love and hate, manipulate, messing up, mind, mistakes, mood, pain, poem, poems, poertry, poetry, pray, relationships, sad

never stay

I just thought that for once I had a friend who’d actually stay.

I guess I just hoped that you’d be the one, who’d never go away. 

It’s so hard for me to give away my trust,

But it always ends up getting lost in lust.

And he says its my fault, I was “leading him on,”

That he had to “fight jealousy until it was fucking gone. ”

I guess I just thought that this one time,

Our friendship would stay strong like a dime.

But I should’ve known, that it would only end bad.

That it would end exactly the same, like all the other friendships I ever had.

What am I doing wrong? I don’t get how,

Caring for a person and just being there, was leading him on and now,

He’s gone forever.

He thinks he’s so special, but he’s not.

With this one action, he has just become one of a lot.

And it makes me cry,

That no matter how hard I try,

It’s always wrong.

That even though I always tell them to beware in the very beginning,

They end up falling into that exact trap, and say I’m the one sinning.

I tell them as a friend,

All the horrible stories of what happens, when my heart is lend.

But they never listen.

I told you, in these exact words,

“I break hearts, and burn souls without knowing,

So don’t you ever love me, or you’ll be the next one going.”

Please don’t love me, please don’t love me.

I will hurt you and you’ll slowly die.

And yes that’s a reason why I constantly lie.

And you know I am heartless.

You know my feelings are barely to non existent.

But you also know that I deeply care for you.

And now you’ll just go away, for ever.

I guess it had to be now or never.

And you don’t believe me when I said I cared for you,

You just think I’m a steel, cold, hearted bitch.

That you wasted all your time on “nothing.”

And that’s when it hit me,

I was always nothing, always.

It’s just sad how every friend I ever get,

Can only define “everything” by abusing me and getting me into bed.

And that every friend I thought I made,

Will sooner or later disappear in the shade. 

And somehow, it’s always connected to me and how they fall in love.

Only because I was being, well, just me.

So now I’m all alone again, 

Maybe it should just stay that way.

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letting go, life, love, poems, poertry, poetry, positive vs negative, problems, question, relationships, sad

Completely taken by her…

Never had I seen such a beauty before.

Never found, what I was unconsciously always looking for.

But now she was right in front of me,

Being just the perfectly imperfect beauty that she wanted to be.

Curly luscious long hair falling down her spine,

And those eyes I could stare into for days, so sublime.

You see, this had never in my whole life happened to me.

And then it came to me,

Like a thousand bricks falling onto me, cutting my wounds freshly open.

I occurred to me, that this kind of love, would some day get me broken. 

And they would scream and laugh and point at me,

Just because I was following my heart and what I wanted to be,

Happy.

But we never quite get our happiness the moment we crave it,

Especially not with forbidden love, considered a “crime” if I were to commit.

Should I forget about those green eyes and how they glanced at me when I smiled?

Should I forget the feeling of how her adorable freckles covered by pieces of hazel colored locks, made me go wild?

And how she told me how pretty she thought I was, with a shy blush on her face,

And how she listened to my stories with interest and grace.

It’s too late now, I can’t forget.

And even if I tried, I would later carry immense regret.

Should I follow my heart, to the love I so crave?

Or should I ignore love, keep a smile, sit down and stay well put together and behaved?

This was the moment I realized that love was a real thing,

Too bad that mine,

Didn’t fall on the given line.

And that I,

Would have to let my love fly…

…or should I?

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dark, Death, feelings, goomy, life, mood, poem, poems, poetry, positive vs negative, sad, scary

When my day comes

When my day comes,
The day that all left of me will be my souls crumbs ,
And my color fades away,
I have one request, if I may.
Don’t lock me in a box and burry me deep under.
Why? You might wonder.
Well, Reaching the end of my days,
I will sink into darkness, say goodbye to my life lived in color and craze.
So Don’t just burry me in the ground.
It’s so dark and cold down there, nothing beautiful to be found.
Ill just be another set of rusty bones locked away
From society to forget, not to remember, my memory will get lost, no one will pray.
A long lost soul caught in a box beneath the ground,
This scares me, I’ll be locked in the darkness never to be thought of, or found.
I know one day all my memories will fade and I’ve come to terms with that,
But to be buried in cold soil of sorrow will make my soul crave light, want to come out of the colorless matte.
Instead sprinkle me on forests of green,
So I can feel lights beam.
Sprinkle some in the waters of the ocean,
So I can be one with waves emotion.
Let my colors fly free,
I might be gone on earth, but my colors will be able to fly free spiritually.
Just don’t lock me in the dark,
Don’t do that to me,
Leave my soul the Beauty of this world, let it flow free.

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gloomy, life, poem, poems, poetry, question, sad

Bitter

Please tell me, I need to know, why are you so bitter?

If I had a coffee without milk and sugar, that would be you.

Please tell me, I need to know, why do you shiver? Its not even cold.

If I had a dried up rose, and dipped it in lemon juice, that would be you.

Please tell me, I need to know, why do you cry at night? I hear you through the doors and walls.

If I had an unripe apple, that would be you.

Please tell me, I need to know, why dont you smile anymore? Its reflecting upon your loved ones, havent you noticed?

If I had an half empty glass of water, that would be you.

Please tell, I have to know, what do you talk about? It doesn’t make sense.

If I had a bunch of sad children who just got robbed of their toys, that would be you.

Please tell me, I want to know, why are you wearing a mask that smiles every once in a while? When you’re sobbing underneath it, yes I see that.

Yes I notice you cry, even if you aren’t physically.

But your eyes tell stories, but I am yet to find out their meaning.

Please tell, I want to know, why are you so bitter? Thats not you.

Where have you gone?

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