end, faith, feelings, lies, life, love, love and hate, manipulate, messing up, mind, mistakes, mood, pain, poem, poems, poertry, poetry, pray, relationships, sad

never stay

I just thought that for once I had a friend who’d actually stay.

I guess I just hoped that you’d be the one, who’d never go away. 

It’s so hard for me to give away my trust,

But it always ends up getting lost in lust.

And he says its my fault, I was “leading him on,”

That he had to “fight jealousy until it was fucking gone. ”

I guess I just thought that this one time,

Our friendship would stay strong like a dime.

But I should’ve known, that it would only end bad.

That it would end exactly the same, like all the other friendships I ever had.

What am I doing wrong? I don’t get how,

Caring for a person and just being there, was leading him on and now,

He’s gone forever.

He thinks he’s so special, but he’s not.

With this one action, he has just become one of a lot.

And it makes me cry,

That no matter how hard I try,

It’s always wrong.

That even though I always tell them to beware in the very beginning,

They end up falling into that exact trap, and say I’m the one sinning.

I tell them as a friend,

All the horrible stories of what happens, when my heart is lend.

But they never listen.

I told you, in these exact words,

“I break hearts, and burn souls without knowing,

So don’t you ever love me, or you’ll be the next one going.”

Please don’t love me, please don’t love me.

I will hurt you and you’ll slowly die.

And yes that’s a reason why I constantly lie.

And you know I am heartless.

You know my feelings are barely to non existent.

But you also know that I deeply care for you.

And now you’ll just go away, for ever.

I guess it had to be now or never.

And you don’t believe me when I said I cared for you,

You just think I’m a steel, cold, hearted bitch.

That you wasted all your time on “nothing.”

And that’s when it hit me,

I was always nothing, always.

It’s just sad how every friend I ever get,

Can only define “everything” by abusing me and getting me into bed.

And that every friend I thought I made,

Will sooner or later disappear in the shade. 

And somehow, it’s always connected to me and how they fall in love.

Only because I was being, well, just me.

So now I’m all alone again, 

Maybe it should just stay that way.

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letting go, life, love, poems, poertry, poetry, positive vs negative, problems, question, relationships, sad

Completely taken by her…

Never had I seen such a beauty before.

Never found, what I was unconsciously always looking for.

But now she was right in front of me,

Being just the perfectly imperfect beauty that she wanted to be.

Curly luscious long hair falling down her spine,

And those eyes I could stare into for days, so sublime.

You see, this had never in my whole life happened to me.

And then it came to me,

Like a thousand bricks falling onto me, cutting my wounds freshly open.

I occurred to me, that this kind of love, would some day get me broken. 

And they would scream and laugh and point at me,

Just because I was following my heart and what I wanted to be,

Happy.

But we never quite get our happiness the moment we crave it,

Especially not with forbidden love, considered a “crime” if I were to commit.

Should I forget about those green eyes and how they glanced at me when I smiled?

Should I forget the feeling of how her adorable freckles covered by pieces of hazel colored locks, made me go wild?

And how she told me how pretty she thought I was, with a shy blush on her face,

And how she listened to my stories with interest and grace.

It’s too late now, I can’t forget.

And even if I tried, I would later carry immense regret.

Should I follow my heart, to the love I so crave?

Or should I ignore love, keep a smile, sit down and stay well put together and behaved?

This was the moment I realized that love was a real thing,

Too bad that mine,

Didn’t fall on the given line.

And that I,

Would have to let my love fly…

…or should I?

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gloomy, life, live, love, motivational, poem, poems, poertry, poetry, short stories, short story, story, things, Uncategorized, wings

Rusty Rooftops

I just wanna climb on the rusty rooftops with you,
And lay down on the creaky old, cold metal
You can take me into your arms and I will feel warmth trickling down my spine
And stare with you at the blue moon and stars, and get distracted by your eyes, so sublime.
I can almost feel your fingers run through my hair,
And hear your voice chatter into the light of the stars as we lay in the midst of chilled gloomy air.
Our bodies are freezing and the only warmth we get is by gentle kisses
I’ll let our minds wander off into the stars and infinities of the night time sky.
Say goodbye to planet earth, but soon
The sun will rise and warm our bodies with the first light of the day,
And we will wake up to each other, just smile.
Just exchange looks and say nothing for a while.
There are no words to express how we feel right now.
Oh how I love those rusty rooftops,
Of my imagination.

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