end, faith, feelings, lies, life, love, love and hate, manipulate, messing up, mind, mistakes, mood, pain, poem, poems, poertry, poetry, pray, relationships, sad

never stay

I just thought that for once I had a friend who’d actually stay.

I guess I just hoped that you’d be the one, who’d never go away. 

It’s so hard for me to give away my trust,

But it always ends up getting lost in lust.

And he says its my fault, I was “leading him on,”

That he had to “fight jealousy until it was fucking gone. ”

I guess I just thought that this one time,

Our friendship would stay strong like a dime.

But I should’ve known, that it would only end bad.

That it would end exactly the same, like all the other friendships I ever had.

What am I doing wrong? I don’t get how,

Caring for a person and just being there, was leading him on and now,

He’s gone forever.

He thinks he’s so special, but he’s not.

With this one action, he has just become one of a lot.

And it makes me cry,

That no matter how hard I try,

It’s always wrong.

That even though I always tell them to beware in the very beginning,

They end up falling into that exact trap, and say I’m the one sinning.

I tell them as a friend,

All the horrible stories of what happens, when my heart is lend.

But they never listen.

I told you, in these exact words,

“I break hearts, and burn souls without knowing,

So don’t you ever love me, or you’ll be the next one going.”

Please don’t love me, please don’t love me.

I will hurt you and you’ll slowly die.

And yes that’s a reason why I constantly lie.

And you know I am heartless.

You know my feelings are barely to non existent.

But you also know that I deeply care for you.

And now you’ll just go away, for ever.

I guess it had to be now or never.

And you don’t believe me when I said I cared for you,

You just think I’m a steel, cold, hearted bitch.

That you wasted all your time on “nothing.”

And that’s when it hit me,

I was always nothing, always.

It’s just sad how every friend I ever get,

Can only define “everything” by abusing me and getting me into bed.

And that every friend I thought I made,

Will sooner or later disappear in the shade. 

And somehow, it’s always connected to me and how they fall in love.

Only because I was being, well, just me.

So now I’m all alone again, 

Maybe it should just stay that way.

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alone, blood, faith, feeling, help, life, poem, poems, poetry, pray, problems, religion

Her Faith

Why is it that only when she begins to see the blood of her stab wound,

She begins to cry?

Why is it, that only when she starts to comprehend and assemble all puzzles pieces together,

She wants to leave us and wave forever goodbye?

Why is it that only when lives pretty flowers start to rot away and decay,

That she begins to pray?

“If there is a god” -she cries

“Help me! What should I do?” -She mutters into starry skies.

It is only now she realises, she is alone.

She realises she is empty, through her flesh to her inner, deepest bone.

Her shiny armour can’t protect her anymore,

Now she lays bare on the cold floor.

“If you do exist”- she whimpers.

“Please forgive me for what Ive done, I was too enchanted to resist!”

“Please forgive me and heal my sin away,

For I am not ready for this punishment, Im helpless, so now I pray.”

“And if you do exist, I am sorry that for every time we do speak,

I am at my lowest, rock bottom, I have sinned bad and I am weak.”

“But its at times like this when I need you the most.

Its at times like this, where only you can help, everyone else I trusted just disappeared, like ghosts.”

“And its only now that I realise, I am alone,

I am empty, through my flesh to my inner deepest bone.”

“And my only company is my biggest fear.

Fix my sins dear God, please. Wipe away my tear.”

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