Its been following me all my life,
And still, it mystifies me, what it actually is.
It comes in black and white, all at once, but never in between.
I watch as it engulfs my thoughts,
Taking tentative steps,
The infinite exposure of the human flesh dared.
Overtime I can’t help but think,
How in the midst of oblivion, anything seems possible.
I am afraid, but it drives me,
I can’t escape, I can’t escape what I am.
So black, so inky, and complete,
That every time it come close, it swallowed any scouting rays.
It usually stays with me for a long time.
Ill try find company in it,
Ill try think of it, as sublime.
But in reality, Im going insane.
I can’t bear to be around myself,
Yet still, I want to be alone.
And just when Im about to give up,
It comes back in its overturned presence.
The sun rises quickly,
Casting all of its rays only on me.
The world is crisp, I can feel everything again,
Anything is possible.
It feels like a cloudless spring day,
With blue skies,
It isn’t warm or cold, its perfect, and delicate flowers bloom everywhere.
A smile decorates my face eternally, or so I think.
Again, this other side it shows me, will stay for a while.
Ill enjoy it whilst it lasts,
Forgetting all my problems,
Letting them be absorbed by my overwhelmed self.
I know this won’t last,
So I use it to its full potential.
But its too much. This isn’t just being happy,
This is a drug. I do stupid things, that otherwise, I probably wouldnt.
I completely forget any struggles,
It turns sides again.
Now the dark is back.
And its constant presence drives me into a state of depression.
I start realizing all mistakes I made,
But its too late to solve them.
I dont want to love,
I dont even love myself.
All I want to do,
Is to be alone with my horrible self,
Writing down my daily nemesis into my little notebook.
Thats how its always been,
And it doesn’t look like it’ll change.
This life lived only on the edge of the extreme,
Its wearing me out,
Its making me sick.
Its making me physically weak.
I am hopeless, but I don’t understand why.
Ive been making my own realities,
I want so hard to feel, to laugh or cry,
but I can’t.
I am an empty carcass of lies,
Manipulating others for my own good.
Trapped in deep oblivion.
For I cant stand this presence of it much longer.