poetry

someone

I just need someone who cares

Someone, who wakes up next to me

Someone to have my morning coffee with

In silence

But thats okay, because we know that we are here for each other.

Someone who will listen to my mumbling after a long days work

And tell me that all will be fine

Someone to give me a hug when I desperately need it,

And when I don´t at all.

Its just all so confusing when you´re all alone,

It gives your thoughts time to travel to the dark sides of life

And overthink, when in fact, happiness lies in simplicity.

I wish I could cuddle into your arms tonight, and listen to your voice,

But in reality,

I´ll be alone, under cold covers,

Thinking

Why am I here

If I have no one to share my happiness with.

 

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poetry

life

Life sometimes holds me back

But I keep on going

Sometimes Im lost and feel alone

 

Everything signals to me I should stop or

Give up.

But I dont

I simply keep walking

Even when big waves wash up the shore and pull me back

I keep swimming

It might seem like everything is terrible and life is just a chore

But I swim on, towards the moments I seek when I get back to the shore

These simple moments that paint a faint, but real smile on my face

Of full contentment

And its moments like these that Im glad

I never gave up

 

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poetry

The One

Theres something about you,

Thats melting my icy barrier.

Im still confused and scared,

Still self conscious, unprepared.

Something about my inner voice keeps telling me,

That you will end up hurting me,

Like all the others before.

That I’ll end up being nothing, but a chore.

But when you told me you loved my quirky personality,

My bad puns, the absence of normality,

How you loved every part of my body that I used to hate,

I couldn’t help but think, that this might be fate.

But I’m still afraid.

I want to try and love fully for once,

Without the voices in my head telling me all the bad that could happen.

I want to be myself, pretending has become such a chore,

I just want you to want me for who I am, not more.

I don’t want you to only use me, like most before,

And then throw me away into the corner.

But theres this little spark in your eye, giving me hope,

That you probably won’t.

Just promise me, that you won’t break my little heart,

It can’t take a lot of loss and pain.

Ive been there before, it made me become an emotional drain.

No love to give, no happiness to share,

Only to be by myself, too afraid to love, handling life without a care.

That

Is what Im afraid of.

I don’t like myself when Im in this state,

Of cold heartedness, pain and hate.

I’d much rather be free,

To be just me.

And I’ll try with you, it seems like you might be the one,

The one who will guide me through day and night, be my moon, my sun.

Just promise not to break my heart,

And I’ll be everything you ever wanted, your personal little piece of art.

If you let me just be me, and love me for that,

I’ll show you the most beautiful places of my soul.

And there’s something about you,

That gives me the glimpse of hope,

That you’ll let me.

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poetry

Mountain Peak

I think Im starting to loose myself

In

My own mind.

Its a dangerous place

So easy to get lost and

Wrapped up in turmoil.

Im searching for the peak of the mountain

But something about the depths of the shadows scream

That Ill find them

Deep

Underground.

I can’t make sense of my mental mess.

Im caught

In myself

In my own body

I try to escape and my heart begins to stutter and race,

But its too late.

Its too late now, she whispers.

I cry and smile, all at once, but I can’t feel.

Caught in a world thats described to me as vivid and colorful

But

Nothing seems real.

Why do I only see black and white?

Do they too? Or are we all just acting like we see all the colors.

Fuck. Im going insane. Alone.

I wish I could feel something, happiness, or intense pain.

I think maybe my universe is slightly more twisted. Maybe I dont belong here.

Maybe I do.

Sometimes I just wanna leave, I really do.

But then I start to see the peak of the mountain again, and all seems fine.

Until a few hours down the line,

It all goes numb, and dark again.

And its moments in the dark, when I question my sanity

Who I am

Who I want to be

And what I want to see.

Everyday,

I paint you a picture of me,

But its nowhere close to reality.

And even after I finish my picture,

I begin to disagree with my intentions for it,

Throw a bucket of water over it and start again

And again

And again

And again

Until

Nothing is left,

And all the colors have been swept away.

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