You still dont understand

Have you EVER properly listened to my words?

Have you?

I don’t think so.

Don’t you see Im in pain?

Don’t you see, I’m not the same?

Don’t you analyse the stories I tell you?

About my past? but you just laugh.

You think Im joking. Well Im not.

My life consists of long, dragging on, bad dreams.

I try to communicate that to you, or so it seems.

Do you know how it feels, everyday,

Before you go to sleep, to have your breath taken away?

To feel hands around your neck, and the words in your ear

“If you don’t cry, this will be over quickly, my dear.”

And to just lay there in sheer indignation,

With tears running down your cheeks, because you can’t stop this invasion.

With the pain of it days after the event.

And questioning life every day,

Trying to comprehend,

How a god who would want only the best for you,

Makes abuse something you have to become accustomed to.

And you still have the fucking balls, to make fun of this.

You. still. don’t. understand.


Her only company

Nights starry blankets of gold, 

Her only company at night.

Her frustration was yet untold,

She was in a constant mental fight.

“Please little stars, I feel alone and weak,

They never comprehend any word I speak.”

“Please little stars, my soul is slowly leaking

With every empty word, that I keep speaking.”

“My life is dull, they don’t understand,

The constant coldness that Im trying to withstand”

“My past keeps haunting me, every day.

It creeps just a little closer, with every word I say.”

“All I want is to be saved, little stars,

And fly into the vastness of the universe, all the way to mars.”

“But they never spot the sadness in my smile.

They never spot moments of silence, every once in a while.”

“They never question the riddles hidden in my words,

They never questioned the moment, I stopped singing with the birds.”

“They never questioned the bruises on my spine,

Never questioned the cuts on my body, forming red lines.”

“They never comprehend my words of pain,

They think, there is nothing to loose, only to gain.”

“And most of all, little stars, they think Im strong.

But Im not.”

And nights starry blankets of gold,

Would never answer.

They would only listen every night,

To her mental cancer.

Absorbing her soul a little bit more every night,

Until, one day, she gave up the fight.

And only then, it is that people started to comprehend,

Her bruises weren’t her doing, in the end.

The cuts decorating her body,

Were his doing.

Her weakness,

Was his doing.

Her riddled words started to make more sense.

And today they can still her her say,

In the absence of the brightness of each day:

“Please little stars, I feel alone and weak,

Please take me away.”


Over you 

I can finally say,

That after months, day by day,

The love I used to seek in you,

Is now gone.

I can finally say,

I used to love you,

But today you aren’t anymore a part in my sad love song.

I can finally say,

I’m done with chasing,

And never getting a response.

I can finally say,

That my brittle heart is finally ok.

And that I am over you.


Fire burning into her skin 

Curled up toes in the fires flickering light,The light is strong and the tensions growing so she closes her eyes real tight.

And now it begins, her daily torture, she can feel the fire burning.

And now It begins, she petrified, her world is slowly turning.

She hopes it is just another dream, but it feels so immensely real,

Somehow he managed to break even her strongest heart of steel.

And this happens every night, wether she wants it or not, 

And if she refuses to do what he wants, she will get shot.

And his touches feel like fire slowly burning into her skin,

She’s tries to disconnect with mental barriers, but her barriers seem so thin.

And she can’t move, she’s gone into shock.

She can not scream at all, she’s not allowed to sob.

And so she just lets him burn her and use her for his own good.

Until he’s done and leaves her like he always did. 

And she’s so alone, her smiles they give her reassurance, that one day she might forget,

This horrible fate she’s fallen into, she hopes her memories will shed. 



He doesn’t feel the same

It’s the worst feeling, to love someone, knowing they will never feel the same for you.

But it’s okay, I’ll go along through life with you.

And everyday the space between us will stab me deep,

Trying to drain out all the love I seek.

And you’ll never know,

That all these years I’ve been putting on a show.

All these years I’ve been hiding,

That I love you so.

All these times we were together,

My heart would beat double speed.

And every time you said goodbye, I remember how you kissed my cheek.

I can’t forget.

And I can’t let go.

Nothing will be able to cool this inner fire in me now,

Not even the coldest snow. 


Lost words

If I speak my mind, will you leave?

Will everything change? 

It’s hard to stay sane like this, my dear. 

The questions keep burning from my limps into my ear.

“What are we?” I want to ask, 

But I’m afraid, your answer will be,

That we won’t last.

That you don’t want more from me.

And that I’m nothing to you, that I ever wanted to be. 

And so I dream on, with the glimpse of hope that just maybe,

Your answer will differ.


I crave you

I crave you.

Every miserable second of my every day.

I need you.

Right here right now, right against me.

I love you.

More than you would guess, and it’s breaking me apart.

I can’t go on like this,

Getting more and more lost in this maze of lights with every day that passes.

Don’t you see, I have no control!

I can’t just stop talking to you!

You’re my drug and I’ve been hooked, and with everyday, the glue becomes stronger. 

I crave your lips, your touch, your voice, your closeness.

But you don’t.

You don’t think about me, everyday when you wake up.

You don’t crave my lips, touch and closeness.

I’m just one of them.

One of your lights in your bright start sky.

But still,

I crave you.