feelings, friendship, help the world, insanity, loosing, pain, past, poem, poems, poetry, world

Help the world be a little more okay.

I think I’m losing my mind.

Im officially going insane.

All I do, is cause others pain. 

I remember when I was just a child,

I was the one who always smiled.

And all I wanted, was the happiness of others.

All I wanted, was for everyone to forget their troubles.

And I remember, how I used to cry,

When someone I never knew, passed me with a black eye.

And I used to think and say,

“Im just a little girl, who will help the world, to be a little more okay.”

And look at what I am today.

Someone who can’t keep friends, because they always break away.

And look what I am a now.

My friends end up falling in love with me, but I don’t know how.

There are things in my past, that can’t let me love.

Love is something that has to quickly get disposed of,

In my little messed up world.

But it always ends in a way, 

That makes me want my friends to stay away.

And it somehow always happens,

They can not keep a balance.

They want more.

More than I can give them.

And then they are heartbroken. 

And I see them cry, and sob.

And the only way for them to stop,

Is to forget me.

So I end up becoming nothing.

Nothing but a far fetched memory of the dark past.

And the meaning of what I wanted to be, melts away.

Even though the only thing I wanted to be, was “just a little girl, who will help the world, to be a little more okay.”

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poetry

Cold City Streets

“You just don’t get me,” – he repeats.

As Im standing alone, in a rainy night, on cold city streets.

This road has always had two ways.

But Ive only ever known one, which always turns out a confusing maze.

But now that exact road is about to be crossed again,

And then,

You, my dear, will come one of many.

I thought back then,

That you’d be that one friend, that would stay forever.

I thought back then,

That you’d be that one guy, with whom i could be together,

Without crossing that line.

I remember, it was back in December,

When I really thought to myself,

This is it, I found a friend.

A friend who’ll have an ear to lend.

A friend who accepts me as I am now,

A friend who won’t question my sanity, ask why, when, how. 

Just be there.

I remember how,

I thought to myself,

Wow, this friend, he will be there for me when I fall.

But all in all,

I was bitterly wrong.

He wanted more. 

Like all the others before.

And he wanted, love.

Even though that, was what I had always warned him of.

And I remember how I told you,

“My eyes are traps you see,

Beware, don’t ever fall in love with me.”

I thought you understood.

I thought, that you were different, like you always said you were.

But you aren’t.

Now you’re one of many,

And you’ll stop talking words with me, 

If any.

And my hope is gone, gone, gone.

All lost in the wind, with my little song.

And you just wanted that one thing,

That one thing I couldn’t give.

And now you’re gone. 

And how dare you say,

That its all my fault, 

That I am purposely letting your heart decay!

How can you say, that I was purposely playing with your mind!

I warned you. I cared for you. Id do anything for you.

But you wanted more.

“You just don’t get me,” – he repeats.

So what?

So fucking what.

I don’t get you, okay, Im fine with that.

But I tried.

And every time I did, you always lied.

And I told you,

To never fall in love with me.

But you did.

Which is sad.

Because now you’ll leave me alone, like all the others before.

Because I will be become nothing, but a painful chore.

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end, faith, feelings, lies, life, love, love and hate, manipulate, messing up, mind, mistakes, mood, pain, poem, poems, poertry, poetry, pray, relationships, sad

never stay

I just thought that for once I had a friend who’d actually stay.

I guess I just hoped that you’d be the one, who’d never go away. 

It’s so hard for me to give away my trust,

But it always ends up getting lost in lust.

And he says its my fault, I was “leading him on,”

That he had to “fight jealousy until it was fucking gone. ”

I guess I just thought that this one time,

Our friendship would stay strong like a dime.

But I should’ve known, that it would only end bad.

That it would end exactly the same, like all the other friendships I ever had.

What am I doing wrong? I don’t get how,

Caring for a person and just being there, was leading him on and now,

He’s gone forever.

He thinks he’s so special, but he’s not.

With this one action, he has just become one of a lot.

And it makes me cry,

That no matter how hard I try,

It’s always wrong.

That even though I always tell them to beware in the very beginning,

They end up falling into that exact trap, and say I’m the one sinning.

I tell them as a friend,

All the horrible stories of what happens, when my heart is lend.

But they never listen.

I told you, in these exact words,

“I break hearts, and burn souls without knowing,

So don’t you ever love me, or you’ll be the next one going.”

Please don’t love me, please don’t love me.

I will hurt you and you’ll slowly die.

And yes that’s a reason why I constantly lie.

And you know I am heartless.

You know my feelings are barely to non existent.

But you also know that I deeply care for you.

And now you’ll just go away, for ever.

I guess it had to be now or never.

And you don’t believe me when I said I cared for you,

You just think I’m a steel, cold, hearted bitch.

That you wasted all your time on “nothing.”

And that’s when it hit me,

I was always nothing, always.

It’s just sad how every friend I ever get,

Can only define “everything” by abusing me and getting me into bed.

And that every friend I thought I made,

Will sooner or later disappear in the shade. 

And somehow, it’s always connected to me and how they fall in love.

Only because I was being, well, just me.

So now I’m all alone again, 

Maybe it should just stay that way.

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coming out, gay is wrong, love, poem, poems, poetry

Love is Love.

A poem about a girl I once knew, and her struggles of love.

“Every night before I go to sleep,

There is this special love I seek.

But every night I also realise,

That for this special love, I will be criticised. 

And I don’t know how to feel,

People think I am joking about what is real.

They make jokes about love and how mine isn’t quite right,

But I deny it, and throw accusations into scene of this stary night. 

What if I were to tell them, that their jokes were real,

And that my accusations were all wrong, about how i feel.

All humans do love, so do you, so do I.

Why is it such a crime, to love another gender, to be be gay, straight or bi?

Isn’t it all the same?

And as I write these exact words, my hands are shaking.

And as I write these words, my hearts protective barrier, is slowly breaking.

And tears run down my eyes.

Why? Because I know once I tell the truth, I will be despised.

“Its WRONG. Its DISGUSTING. Its just a FAD.”

“But be yourself darling, don’t let the world make you mad.”

Well, I AM GOING MAD. 

Do you know how horrible it feels, to come home after a long day of pretending,

To love a guy, and that your love for him, is unending. 

To know that each guy you ever “loved,” you never did.

For if I were to follow my instincts, GOD WOULD FORBID!

And Ill just tell you the truth right here, right now.

I have never loved anyone I supposedly loved.

People wonder, why I throw my relationships away, without a care.

Simply, because I was confused of who I was, didn’t want to be bare.

I didn’t want to admit to myself, and want others to know,

That my “love” was just a show.

Kind of sad I suppose.

Im just caught in this tricky web called “society.”

I know people will call me names, and friends will be lost.

Because I followed my love. All will come at a cost. 

I always lie, lie, lie…

But people never notice, never asked why.

Well Ill tell you the truth now.

The whole, damn, truth.

I don’t love boys, I love girls. Accept it or not. “

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poetry

Secrets

They think they know her deepest darkest secrets.

But how can they, if she can’t even admit them to herself?

What if your secrets are so dark,

That they closed all the paths you tried to embark? 

What if they screw you up so bad,

That every time you try to remember them, you go mad?

She hears out others bullshit about life and life’s struggles,

And she couldn’t care less.

As long as they don’t question her darkness, they won’t see her mental mess.

But every now and then, 

People ask about exactly that, where, what, and when.

And it is exactly this question that makes her go crazy for days and nights.

It is this question that turns off all her lights. 

She is on full alert, and no one must know,

Her deepest darkest secrets, so she puts on a show.

Some emotional shit that’ll warm their hearts,

But also keep them away from further inquiries with dangerous sharks.

She’d rather never feel again,

Than to reveal this darkness to herself, or them.

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poetry

“But I still love you”

Her flesh is blue and stained.

Her mouth is closed and arms restrained.

Her inner warmth is flowing out of open veins.

And her body is held in the dark by chains.

“But I still love you, you know that right?”

He used to say after every event, and bloody fight.

her strength is gone, and her eyes feel tired.

By everything he wanted, and desired.

She wakes up numb every morning.

It always comes without warning.

“But only I love you, none else does, you know that right?”

He used to say when she was crying at night.

“Just imagine what pain and strain I would give you,

If you were to share this with a few.”

Her silent screams for help remain unheard.

And with every day, her world becomes a little bit more blurred.

She tries to be strong, but her strength is fading.

Now he doesn’t need any force, no persuading.

She’s just a silent little death doll,

Trapped inside her little house,

Who gave up his violent game of cat and mouse.

To be used and thrown away.

And then left in a dark corner to slowly decay.

That is who she is, and that is who she will stay.

Until even that, will have decayed away.

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poetry

Odd Smile

There was something oddly wrong with her smile.

Don’t get me wrong, she was beautiful, every moment with her worth while.

I started to wonder why I was the only one who ever noticed.

Because if you really focused,

Her eyes spoke louder than her smile.

They were crying, squinting out of pain and years of knowing,

That her real self, she would never be showing.

And that’s when she realized she was going mad.

That’s when she realized she never had anyone around her to even notice that.

She was muttering words to herself.

She was slowly going crazy

In her dark claustrophobic world of escape from reality. 

She was alone, through her flesh to her inner deepest bone. 

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