Constant Trembling 

Constant trembling,

Constant situations that in her head, she is disassembling.

Constantly the feelings of fear and horror are stalking her,

Everywhere she goes, she feels she trapped in a fire.

Everytime she speaks her words crumble and fall to dust onto cold grounds,

She’s seeking perfection, of herself, and the worlds colorful sounds.

But she gets none.

She knows perfection will never be done.

She’s seeking something that is missing from her soul,

Something she yet hasn’t deciphered, but she knows it would make her complete and whole.

The thought of showing her messed up mind makes her want to run away,

Shoot herself, and then slowly decay away.

People never notice all this,

Not even the people who loved her, the ones she lost herself in lust with.

They will never know,

That her perfect smiles are all just a show.

And they will never know how it feels,

To have your heart pumping at alert constanly, how she’s constantly building herself a protective barrier made of iron shields.

To constantly tremble and your hands don’t know what to do,

And constantly destroy yourself mentally, because you can’t define who you are, you.

They’ll never know how it feels to wake up everyday,

Dreading the light of the day.

And how every move you take that you overthink and not agree with,

Stays glued to your heavily beating heart.

Just maybe, it’s better that they don’t know.

Just maybe it’s better to not have to comprehend my slowly dieing soul, not make a show.

Just maybe I should just stay put and smile on,

Until one day,

Even that beautiful smile,

Will be lost and gone



Don’t you see,

I’m trapped I’m my own little body.

Whole novels, stories and emotions are floating around,

But when I try to express these, there is none of that to be found.
Don’t you see,

I’m always exaggeratingly happy but that isn’t me.

Whole chains of unexpressed feelings, anger, sorrow and pain are floating around,

But when I try to show these, there are none to be found.
And that girl who seems to be the happiest on earth,

Cries herself to sleep at night when she’s alone,

And tries to scratch off her skin to her deepest bone.
This girl sings her own poems in times of darkness,

And would rather be called cold and heartless,

Than to expose who she really is.

And even if she tried,

That would be just another night she cried,
This girl helps everyone solve their problems,

Whilst she is battling her own monsters.

And people never asked her, always thought she was joking,

When in reality, she was slowly choking.
She was slowly getting out of breath,

And with every drop of energy gone,

She becomame more quite, and so did her song.

Until each note slowly disappeared day by day,

Slowly making the pain fade away,

Until there was nothing left,

Only darkness and unrest.

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Things I love

People always complain,

About the things they hate, their remorse, their pain.

But don’t you see?

We always look past the simple things and their beauty.

So heres my personal list, of what I love:

-The feelings of making someone smile,

and making their day lived worthwhile.

-A fresh breeze of air on a hot summers day,

And how its chills travel down your spine, and then slowly disappear away.

-The way he looks at you when you speak with passion,

Or the way he holds you when tears run down your cheeks, in compassion.

-How the waves of the sea sparkle and shimmer during the sunset,

And how every sunset is different, and their beauty, you will never forget.

–  When a stranger smiles at you, and you smile too,

Which then turns into an interesting conversation about him and you.

-The way his breath on your ear, travels through your body down you spine,

And makes you feel every moment to be precious and divine.

And there is so much more,

So much I already appreciate, but also more that I will look for.

And every day brings with it another simple beauty,

You just gotta look for it.

And once you realise that beauty lays not only in money and complexity,

You will learn,

That you dont always have to expect something in return.

Because you got everything you need, right here, right now.

Start to enjoy the simplest moments,

Because those are the rarest.

Hold on to them.

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Eyes of Lies

People always say,

“Eyes are a gateway,..”

“..a gateway into ones soul.”

But this is pure lies, not, if you have full control.

People see her eyes and tend to think,

That they can judge her by a single blink.

And they always say,

“What an adorable bubbly girl, she would never betray!”

But lies

are written In her eyes.

Her life is a single big lie,

And sometimes, all she wants to do is die.

She has barley any identity left,

Only the darkness of her past, that holds onto her brittle chest.

And whilst she’s plotting for a murder, driven by hate,

You will become her nightly fate.

You will fall for her smile, her love, her laugh, her eyes.

But exactly this mistake, will later on make you scream out in despise.

And by just the blink of an eye,

She will make you her next victim, and slowly make you die.

You would never have guessed she would turn out like this,

You thought you knew her by her eyes, the first kiss.

But the reality is that she doesn’t feel,

And in order to get sensation, she wants to destroy any love that seems real.

And by just the blink of an eye,

You fell for a big, dirty lie.

Eyes of Lies

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Pretty Smiles Have a Lot To Hide

Usually she was the one who brought happiness to everyone,

She was the one who radiated more positive energy than the sun.

She was always the one with the prettiest smile,

However, deep inside, she had been empty for quite a while.

Actually, quite a lot more than empty.

But no one saw past her act of being overly friendly.

No one ever saw how her brittle heart was draining away slowly,

Like black tar, almost ghostly.

No one ever saw that she was battling monsters every day,

And emotions were something that she tried to hide and keep away.

Until one day, she couldn’t afford to get them back,

In her little world of grey and black.

So to get some sort of feeling,

She started concealing, by healing.

She would do anything to make anyone smile,

Until even that faded.

And her saviour came to catch her and bring her back into the sunshine,

He’d tell her he loved her, handled her like she was a dime.

He saw her rotting heart and freed her from darkness,

And focused only on her for a while, on her feelings, and fixing sadness.

He loved her like no one had ever done,

He loved her for who she was, knew her real smile, he knew, their journey had only just begun.

And for once she was truly happy and took off her mask.

There was no need to wear it anymore, no one ever asked.

For once, she was only the mirror reflecting the light, not handing it out to everyone.

And when one day finally her heart was renewed,

And all the broken pieces were glued,

She started handing out her sunshine again.

Only this time, it was real, not like it was back then.

Who would have guessed,

That this little spark in her darkness,

Would end up saving her ?

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Wish come True

That was it!

She couldn’t belief it.

This was her wish come true,

This was the moment, she was pulled out of her world of grey and blue, and into the exiting new.

This was the moment after weeks of trying,

Weeks of denying.

Weeks of thinking, he would never make a move.

Weeks of thinking, he’ll be something she will loose.

Weeks of tears and a distant feeling,

That he wouldn’t see in her, what she saw in him, her heart was bleeding.

And she had almost come to terms with her fate,

When suddenly, in a moment of small hope, she decided it was never to late.

And now her world was as colourful as could be.

Her world was immensely changed from grey and blue, to the new things to explore for her and see.

Had she never had that glimpse of hope,

Had she never gone the risky path of the steeper slope.

She would be alone now, in her world of grey,

Cutting her own heart into pieces, and throwing them away.

But now this was it.

And she couldn’t believe it one bit.

She had reached the unreachable,


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Completely taken by her…

Never had I seen such a beauty before.

Never found, what I was unconsciously always looking for.

But now she was right in front of me,

Being just the perfectly imperfect beauty that she wanted to be.

Curly luscious long hair falling down her spine,

And those eyes I could stare into for days, so sublime.

You see, this had never in my whole life happened to me.

And then it came to me,

Like a thousand bricks falling onto me, cutting my wounds freshly open.

I occurred to me, that this kind of love, would some day get me broken. 

And they would scream and laugh and point at me,

Just because I was following my heart and what I wanted to be,


But we never quite get our happiness the moment we crave it,

Especially not with forbidden love, considered a “crime” if I were to commit.

Should I forget about those green eyes and how they glanced at me when I smiled?

Should I forget the feeling of how her adorable freckles covered by pieces of hazel colored locks, made me go wild?

And how she told me how pretty she thought I was, with a shy blush on her face,

And how she listened to my stories with interest and grace.

It’s too late now, I can’t forget.

And even if I tried, I would later carry immense regret.

Should I follow my heart, to the love I so crave?

Or should I ignore love, keep a smile, sit down and stay well put together and behaved?

This was the moment I realized that love was a real thing,

Too bad that mine,

Didn’t fall on the given line.

And that I,

Would have to let my love fly…

…or should I?