Constant situations that in her head, she is disassembling.
Constantly the feelings of fear and horror are stalking her,
Everywhere she goes, she feels she trapped in a fire.
Everytime she speaks her words crumble and fall to dust onto cold grounds,
She’s seeking perfection, of herself, and the worlds colorful sounds.
But she gets none.
She knows perfection will never be done.
She’s seeking something that is missing from her soul,
Something she yet hasn’t deciphered, but she knows it would make her complete and whole.
The thought of showing her messed up mind makes her want to run away,
Shoot herself, and then slowly decay away.
People never notice all this,
Not even the people who loved her, the ones she lost herself in lust with.
They will never know,
That her perfect smiles are all just a show.
And they will never know how it feels,
To have your heart pumping at alert constanly, how she’s constantly building herself a protective barrier made of iron shields.
To constantly tremble and your hands don’t know what to do,
And constantly destroy yourself mentally, because you can’t define who you are, you.
They’ll never know how it feels to wake up everyday,
Dreading the light of the day.
And how every move you take that you overthink and not agree with,
Stays glued to your heavily beating heart.
Just maybe, it’s better that they don’t know.
Just maybe it’s better to not have to comprehend my slowly dieing soul, not make a show.
Just maybe I should just stay put and smile on,
Until one day,
Even that beautiful smile,
Will be lost and gone